We all love a good bonus! James Ryan’s bonus question at the end of his book “Wait! What?” was the cherry on top of a wonderfully written book that provided guidance for our relationships with each other. I hesitate to even summarize the bonus question for you because the manner in which Ryan delivers it within his book is extremely powerful.

Ryan suggests that our relationships with others are a crucial measure of our lives. He provided five essential questions within his book:

“Wait, what?” is at the root of all understanding;

“I wonder….?” is at the heart of all curiosity;

“Couldn’t we at least…?” is at the beginning of all progress;

“How can I help” is at the base of all good relationships; and

“What truly matters?” helps you get to the heart of life.

Within his last bonus question, Ryan suggests that you consider now what will likely matter when your time has run out. The bonus question comes from the beginning of a poem from Raymond Carver entitled Late Fragment,  “And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so?”

Ryan writes: “The ‘even so’ at the end of the question, to me, perfectly captures the reality that pain and disappointment are inevitably part of a full life, but also the hope that life, even so, offers the possibility of joy and contentment. I cannot guarantee, of course, that if you simply ask the five essential questions in this book that you will be able to answer “I did” to the bonus question. But I do think the questions will help get you there, if you ask them regularly. If you live a life fueled by the ying and yang of curiosity and understanding; if you remain willing to try new things and to help and learn from others; and if you stay focused on what truly matters to you, I do believe you will be in a good position to say ‘I did’ when it comes time to ask yourself the bonus question.

*This article is a piece of a seven part series featured in the “Lessons In Leadership” section of the Earlywood Special Edition. Each of the seven articles elaborates on life’s five essential questions from Dr. James Ryan’s book “Wait, What?” which he published following his widely popular commencement speech in May of 2016 at the Harvard Graduate School of Education ceremonies. If you’d like to borrow a copy of Wait, What?, it is available through our Earlywood lending library.

~Angie

Do you believe that a simple question can guide you through not only the biggest decisions of your life, but meetings at work as well? Asking “what truly matters” forces you to get to the heart of issues at school and work as well as your own convictions, beliefs, and goals in life. The fifth essential question in James Ryan’s book “Wait! What?” is “What Truly Matters?” Ryan explains that this question helps you separate the truly important from the trivial.

In our busy complex lives, we can easily lose sight of what truly matters. Ryan states that “we may be too caught up in routines to pay attention, or we may lack confidence in our abilities so that we focus on largely irrelevant details instead of confronting the difficult and challenging work in front of us.” In these situations, it is useful to ask yourself what truly matters. Ryan believes that this question enables you to cut through distractions, tangents, and irrelevant details to stay focused on the important tasks.

Ryan admits that the answers to this question typically are fairly predictable. Many responses include four areas of life: family, friends, work, and acts of kindness. The real challenge to this question, however, is not just to identify the areas of importance, but to think through what is going well and what you can do better. Such answers get to the heart of life.

*This article is a piece of a seven part series featured in the “Lessons In Leadership” section of the Earlywood Special Edition. Each of the seven articles elaborates on life’s five essential questions from Dr. James Ryan’s book “Wait, What?” which he published following his widely popular commencement speech in May of 2016 at the Harvard Graduate School of Education ceremonies. If you’d like to borrow a copy of Wait, What?, it is available through our Earlywood lending library.

~Angie

The basis of good relationships is formed by  showing that you care. A basic way to demonstrate caring is a willingness to help someone.  The fourth essential question from Ryan’s book “Wait! What?” is “How Can I Help?” In addition to allowing others to maintain their independence and dignity, asking “How Can I Help?” demonstrates respect and is also likely to make the assistance more effective. This is a particularly useful question to ask children. Adults often  think they know what a child needs. By simply asking, we’re allowing the child to problem-solve their needs on their own, a skill that builds independence.

Asking “How Can I Help” avoids the “Savior Complex.” This is an attitude, usually unintentional, in which you believe you are the expert who can swoop in to save others. It is a lopsided approach to helping others in which the helper believes s/he has all of the answers and knows precisely how to solve the problem.  While the Savior Complex is a genuine problem, Ryan advises that we shouldn’t let such pitfalls interfere with lending a hand. How you help matters just as much as the fact that you do help. Ryan believes this is why it is essential to begin by asking “How Can I Help?” If you start with this question, you are asking, with humility, for direction. You recognize that others are experts of their own lives and you are affording them the opportunity to remain in charge of it.

We’ve all had times when a friend or colleague expressed their problems to us. Ryan suggests listening patiently to a person’s concerns and complaints and then ask how you can help. He believes it changes the conversation. He states that “in responding,  they are already starting to figure out the problem for themselves. What they most needed was to vent, get some sympathy, and to figure out a solution for themselves.” If you ask friends, family, or colleagues how you can help, you are not offering to solve their problems. Instead you are validating that they have a problem and letting them know that you are available to help if needed. This demonstrates both sympathy and empathy.  

*This article is a piece of a seven part series featured in the “Lessons In Leadership” section of the Earlywood Special Edition. Each of the seven articles elaborates on life’s five essential questions from Dr. James Ryan’s book “Wait, What?” which he published following his widely popular commencement speech in May of 2016 at the Harvard Graduate School of Education ceremonies. If you’d like to borrow a copy of Wait, What?, it is available through our Earlywood lending library.

~Angie

Finding common ground with others, especially those with different views, is a way to get past disagreement and begin to form consensus. The third essential question from Dr. James Ryan’s book “Wait! What?” is “couldn’t we at least….” This question forms the core of a series of questions rather than one specific and complete question. It’s a good way to get unstuck or to get started even when you aren't entirely sure where you’ll finish.

Ryan believes that the key to maintaining a healthy and productive relationship is consensus. Asking “couldn’t we at least agree…..” is an invitation to find common areas of consensus. Asking this essential question will not resolve all disagreements, but it can at least reduce their scope. Finding common ground can help isolate true areas of disagreement. This is especially helpful in preventing opposing sides on a particular issue from wasting time questioning the motives of their opponents.

In addition to inviting agreement, “couldn’t we at least…” is a great way to get moving, even when you don’t have fully formed plans. Too often, whether because of procrastination, fear, or a desire for perfection, we hesitate to begin a project. Ryan writes that “once you commit to something, you often end up mobilizing a stream of resources, ideas, and assistance that you never imagined would come your way” (Ryan, 2017, p.75). He concludes the chapter by stating that “couldn’t we at least….” sparks movement. It is the question that also recognizes that journeys are often long and uncertain, that problems will not be solved with one conversation, and that even the best efforts will not always work. At the same time, however, it is the question that recognizes that you have to begin somewhere. It is absolutely essential to ask”(Ryan, 2017, p.82).

Note: This article is a piece of a seven-part series featured in the “Lessons In Leadership” section of the Earlywood Special Edition. Each of the seven articles elaborates on life’s five essential questions from Dr. James Ryan’s book “Wait, What?” which he published following his widely popular commencement speech in May of 2016 at the Harvard Graduate School of Education ceremonies. If you’d like to borrow a copy of Wait, What?, it is available through our Earlywood lending library.

~Angie

“Curious people are likely to be healthier and to experience less anxiety because they see new situations as an opportunity to learn rather than an opportunity to realize they didn’t know enough (Ryan, 2017, p.46). Asking “I wonder….” probes about present realities  and allows you to remain curious. Asking “I wonder IF….” considers future possibilities and will keep you engaged in the world.

Imagine the power of the “I wonder if... “ question in an educational context. For instance… I  wonder if we integrated our preschool students from the developmental class in with the students from the community class. Or I wonder if my students might understand the reading passage better if they listened to it while they read it. Or I wonder if I paired my student with a partner during the science lab.

Curiosity begins by asking “I wonder if....” This single question is the key that can unlock potential and lead to insights about our educational practices. It will inevitably lead to other questions. It is this process of wondering and asking that draws us closer to knowing.

“Knowledge is an island in a sea of wonder.” ~Howard Zehr

*This article is a piece of a seven part series featured in the “Lessons In Leadership” section of the Earlywood Special Edition. Each of the seven articles elaborates on life’s five essential questions from Dr. James Ryan’s book “Wait, What?” which he published following his widely popular commencement speech in May of 2016 at the Harvard Graduate School of Education ceremonies. If you’d like to borrow a copy of Wait, What?, it is available through our Earlywood lending library.

~Angie

A deceptively simple question with remarkable flexibility, “Wait! What?” is an effective way for asking for clarification and is the first step to truly understanding something better. “Wait! What?,” is the first of life’s five essential questions from Dr. James Ryan’s book aptly titled Wait! What?  The “wait” that precedes the “what” reminds us to slow down and make sure we truly understand. Too often we fail to pause for clarification. Asking “Wait, what?” is a good way to avoid jumping to conclusions or making snap judgements. Truly understanding an idea or argument enables you to make an informed judgement about it. This is essentially important to remember with difficult conversations or emotionally charged situations. It is too easy to simply react, often passionately and based on assumptions, rather than facts. Asking “Wait, what?” is a good way to guard against jumping to conclusions too quickly.

Wait! What?” is a simple question because it focuses on the heart of understanding. Cultivating the habit of understanding first, will help you make deeper connections with those around you. This concept is what Steven Covey proposes in his fifth habit “Seek First to Understand.”  Questions can force others and ourselves to move past old and tired answers.  Questions can open up possibilities that, before the question, may go unseen. This is true when our teams utilize the ALSUP process as a way of identifying a student’s lagging skills.

In the de-escalation portion of our CPI training, we teach about information seeking and challenging questions. The trick is to distinguish the challenging questions from the information seeking type. Information seeking questions can often appear clumsy and may be a product of anxiety and ignorance. A good listener should be on the look-out for “Wait!  What?” questions.  Some things you say will inevitably provoke opposition or challenges. It is tempting, on the receiving end of these challenging questions, to begin an argument trying to defend your position. But you might try to remember that the other person could simply be in need of further clarification. Listeners can turn most bad questions into good ones if you listen carefully and generously.

*This article is a piece of a seven part series featured in the “Lessons In Leadership” section of the Earlywood Special Edition. Each of the seven articles elaborates on and summarizes life’s five essential questions from Dr. James Ryan’s book “Wait, What?” which he published following his widely popular commencement speech in May of 2016 at the Harvard Graduate School of Education ceremonies. If you’d like to borrow a copy of Wait, What?, it is available through our Earlywood lending library.

~Angie

Have you ever heard a message that resonated so loudly that it became a personal mantra? I’ve fallen head over heals with a message I recently heard! During the 2016 ceremonies for the Harvard Graduate School of Education, Dean James Ryan delivered this segment during his commencement speech.

I believe this struck such a deep chord with me because as I engage in my research about directors’ experiences in resolving disputes with families and schools, one of the most clear themes is that it’s all about RELATIONSHIPS!!!

But how do we go about engaging in effective relationships with others? Dean Ryan suggests that we do it through the use of five essential life questions. I’m so enamored with the concepts behind these questions, that I’ve purchased a few copies of  James Ryan’s book Wait, What? that he published in response to his wildly popular commencement speech. I’ll be sharing about each question in upcoming ESE editions. If you’d like to borrow a copy of Wait, What?, it is available through our Earlywood lending library.

~Angie

Strive to work in the “important, but not urgent quadrant.” Why is Angie giving me this advice? What does she mean? When I make this suggestion, I am referring to Stephen Covey’s “Habit #3: Put First Things First.”  Forbes suggests that this is the only thing you need to remember about Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Covey devised a quadrant contrasting urgency and importance. This article discusses how to use the grid to sort your priorities and become more effective with your time management. The main point here is to stop being a firefighter. Get off the hamster wheel and learn to take control of your life by considering how you’re allocating your most precious commodity: time. Your productivity, and likely your overall health, will improve!

~Angie

Men Are Like Waffles Women Are Like Spaghetti is a book co-authored by Bill & Pam Farrel that utilizes a food  analogy to compare psychological compartmentalization and connectedness. Often when folks come to talk to me, they are processing very complex situations that have typically been evolving over several days or weeks. After listening to their spaghettified information, I’ll start to work with the person to “waffle-ize” the situation. I view this as the process of sorting out the interconnectedness and emotion in order to define the parameters of response and action.  

If you are more spaghetti than waffle, this is also a good paradigm to utilize when formulating your communications with others. Getting ready to meet with the principal? Take some time to sort your spaghetti into waffle boxes before you approach the conversation. I also use this frame in my written communications. I’ll utilize bold headers, bullet points, tables, and colored text to help sort the information I wish to share with the readers.

So if we are engaged in a discussion and I request that we “waffle-ize the spaghetti,” I am asking you to bullet point the critical messages.

~Angie Balsley

Do you remember the childhood song “Following the Leader?” (We’re following the leader, the leader, the leader. We’re following the leader, wherever they may go…. Tee dum, tee dee…. ). As educators, we often serve as leaders. There are many times, however, when we must also be followers. Navigating the twists and turns of life within an institutional organization, such as schools, requires a well-versed understanding of leadership dynamics for all stakeholders. It’s also useful to have a specialized language to quickly and accurately talk about concepts of leadership, and enables communication to flow more effectively. I often make reference to concepts of leadership and relationships. One reference I use frequently is the analogy of waffles and spaghetti. Additionally I may frame communications in a way that are influenced by Stephen Covey’s Habits of Highly Effective People.  

In order to articulate my references and share them with you, we’ve added the section “Lessons In Leadership” to the Earlywood Special Edition this year. Throughout this series I will share the analogies, lessons, and insights I’ve gained throughout my studies in educational leadership and experiences working with you, my colleagues. I believe that by drawing a focus on these concepts, that we will be able to use them more freely as we work together to serve our students.  Keep an eye out for this section in future publications!

~Angie Balsley